Awakening

Somewhere from the beginning of since I can remember, the only longing of my soul has been to be free. Unbound. Unchained.

But life had never seemed to give me that freedom.

My father had ruled my childhood and youth with an iron hand. His rules were imposed externally and strongly. There was hardly a loophole that I could pass through.

The result of this was that I became something of an escapist. Even today, I have a tendency to lose myself into all that I do, my actions, my thoughts my words….. just about into anything.

For most of my life, I have just wanted to escape – to run away.

And at that time, my mind became my escape route. I threw myself into different worlds – of books, music… and dreams of a perfect world, where one day I would be free.

But freedom was not to come so easily to me.

My marriage was far worse, for it not only chained my soul and broke my spirit, it wreaked havoc on my physical self as well.

Once again my soul longed to escape. I would sit outside on the verandah of the gloomy dingy house that I had been married into and look at the birds in the sky, and long to be one of them.

And I ran away with my children, literally, when things just spiraled out of control and I was completely caught up in the whirlpools that threatened to engulf me.

Somewhere in me there was a propensity to run away from difficult situations – ones that seemed difficult to me, at least. Maybe it was a propensity in my nature from the lifetime of the past that had been mentioned in my Naadi – the one I had run away in.

Maybe that was what was innate to me… and maybe that was a learning I had to learn – to stand with courage and face life and every situation life brought to me.

Today, I have learnt that freedom does not mean running away. Freedom is living in a free state of mind, body and soul. Yes, there will always be limitations and constraints, for that is life. But freedom is just that – living in every circumstance with a soul that is free.

Freedom is simply the soul making its choice to love unconditionally. It is the soul making a choice to translate that unconditional love into thought, word and action. Freedom is the soul making its choice to be free…..